Saturday, November 16, 2002
Well it's official! As of this morning the House that I grew up in, from age 4 all the way to now, is for sale. Dad actually had people touring it all ready interested in buying it!! And of all the times to sell it they had to pick Christmas time!!! I know I shouldn't get upset I mean it's just a house, but It was my house!! We actually had a REAL fire place, a back yard to play in, I had MY own room, MY own swing set! And soon it will be gone and someone else will be enjoying our REAL fire place, sleeping in MY room, being in MY back yard, playing on MY swing set. I keep telling myself that it is just a house, but then why do I have tears in my eyes!!! It's not like i'm moving, hell, I only live in the house when I'm visiting Dad anyway. But its just the memories of back when mom and dad were still together and life was good, it wasn't great but it was good!!! We were a family, Christmas by the fire place, playing w/my brother on OUR swing set. Dancing around in MY room!! The thought of someone else living in MY house is killing me!!!!!!! Even though I live w/my mom at "our" house, "Dad's" was always my home. I grew up there. Today I had to pack all my stuff up and bring it to mom's temporarily till dad can find an apartment. He said he doesn't want my personal stuff around when people are walking threw the house because he doesn't want to have anything happen to it. I actually had tears in my eyes as I ripped my old wrestling posters off the walls, took down my Canadian flag and had to put the spare pic of Dave and Me in a box. I remember when we first moved there and I was so excited because I actually had my own big back yard to play in!(We lived in an apartment before) I had a big room all to myself and I even had my own bathroom. Family came over to our house for the holidays. On Christmas Eve we could hang our stockings on a real fire place! And soon it will all be gone. I went threw alot in that house, and it really hurts to loose it. I feel so stupid crying about it! It's a damn house. And I don't dare cry in front of mom because then she will get all upset and say that its her fault that the house has to be sold. And I don't know about dad, I think he's like me and he wont show that he doesn't want the house to go! And this all came about because of their divorce 5 years ago!! And people wonder why I don't ever want to get married. If I stop and think about it my life could be alot worse, right now i'm just going through alot of hard things but hopefully it will all pass. I thought my year was going to be great! I mean hell I got to see KITH live and afterwards I got to meet them, I have just about every class in school w/my "friends," But like always, for every good thing that happens to me there are 5 bad things to counter act the good, and I think because of my KITH experience being such a very good and big thing in my life that 100 bad things are happening to me. And yet KITH is basically the only think keeping me going right now. My life is so f*cked up. I'm crying over a damn house and falling into what my bro calls a "depression" and the only thing that is keeping me going are 5 guys that I don't even know, and my wonderful friends on the internet. And it's strange because most of you are closer and know more about me than my regular "everyday friends." I'm really sorry to post this but I just had to get it off of my chest. Guess I should have posted this on my other blog that nobody reads, eh? I apoligize for being a killjoy everyone. I'm sure i'm just over reacting.
Marie @ 12:35 AM