Wednesday, April 30, 2003
It is/was storming like hell outside!! I dunno if I should be happy about it or not? I mean, happy because I might not have to go out and march in band, but I don't want to ginx myself by getting my hopes up cause I know how my luck goes! Perfect example, it's already 11:30 and I'm not asleep yet. Why I can't sleep at night is really bothering me! I am so tired during the day, and at night it's like i'm wired! I'm so fucked up it's not funny.
OH, to add to my horrible day, Cynthia called me and told me that Ruben isn't going to prom w/us!!!!! He doesn't want to go because he's gay and uncomfortable w/going back to school. I'm sorry but why are we getting punished because he is gay?!? I mean, nobody is going to care! He also said he was going to get the limo for us because he has connections and shit, and now he's left us w/no limo! I think what upsets me the most is he CALLED and told Cynthia but not me. He hardly ever calles me, EVER! Yes I am jelious, because supposedly we are BEST friends (have been since 4th grade) been together threw thick and thin and he won't even tell me?! He's also been online alot, but hasn't even IMed me and told me!( know I could IM him, but I just don't feel it's the right thing to do, he should be the one to tell me) I don't know anymore. Why does it seem like my friends are turning against me?! It hurts alot, because him and Cynthia never used to get along and it used to be that she was out of the "loop" and me and him were super close, and now I feel like i've been pushed out of the loop and they only include me "sometimes" because they feel they have to! They go to the mall alot together now, and do stuff w/out even inviting me, but when I want to go out, they say they can't because they are busy. I HATE feeling sorry for myself, but right now I actually feel lonely!! It hurts so much that after all these years he would do this to me. And this time I feel there is no "Bright Side" to look on.
Hopefully I still have Friday to look forward to?
Marie @ 11:42 PM