Sunday, May 18, 2003
I hate my life! I mean it I really do! I'm the most pathetic person to ever walk the planet!(I don't even think I deserve to live!) My dad has been acting so weird lately and he won't tell me whats wrong. He's been making me feel worthless, horrible, depressed ........blah......blah.......blah! (you all know how my bitching goes, it's always over the same pathetic crap) So I decided to write him an email telling him exactly how I felt. My mistake was that I was talking to Liz while I wrote it! So i'm balling my eyes out writing the email while talking to poor Liz. So guess who had to put up w/my bitching! My email has been acting funny so I really hope that he doesn't get the email! (I dunno whats wrong w/my email! I have emailed Liz, Juli and Kara and all three times, i've had to send the same email more than once!!!!) A part of me really wants him to get the email, but the other half says that it wouldn't really be the best thing because I dunno how he'll react to it!! His temper has been coming back again. Like today in the Kitchen, he was fixing dinner and the chicken wasn't thawed all the way, so next thing I know Plates and silver ware are being thrown around!!! He doesn't seem happy anymore, especially when Tony and me are around. And I don't know what to do!!!!
Then to top off all the "drama" in my life, Mamilla is having surgery Monday and she can't use her arm for the next 6 weeks. So guess who gets to play mommy to Cody? PLUS having to take care of her for a while as well because she can't use her arm!!! No wonder I'm not sleeping at night, I have to much on my mind. And I know these are all petty things, and I shouldn't bitch, but for someone not used to having this much responsibility and this much going on at once, it's getting really hard for me to deal with!
1. Finding a Job!
2. Finding a place for me to finish school!
3. Taking Care of Cody and helping mom!
4. Dad returning to his old, terrible ways!!
And the lack of sleep is definately not helping any of the above!!!! And it's stupid because I look at that list and think "4 things? Thats not much at all, why am I having such a fucking hard time with it?!" See what happens when your babied to much? Not a pretty sight, not a pretty site at all! Wouldn't be so bad, if the damn things were coming one at a time, instead of all at once! I'll quite my petty bitching now. :(
Marie @ 1:30 AM