Wednesday, December 10, 2003
If it can get worse it will right? I was so happy last night when I was talking to Liz, telling her about all the fun stuff we could do and how great my life has been going. I'm so happy sewing, knitting and crochetting things. Doing stuff I really love doing, getting excited about giving people their gifts and what not. But today my mum comes home and well basically breaks my heart, and no i'm not being dramatic, i'm SO upset right now.
First when she gets home she calls the child support office or whatever and askes them about this check she's been waiting on. Well they tell her that they sent it out on the 4th and that it shows that it was cashed on the 8th. Mom didn't go to the bank on the 8th so some one stole her check! Which I might add was for $150. They tell her it's going to take at least 3 months to track down the check and then find out who cashed it. What i'm upset about was she was waiting for this check because she was going to give me my money for watching Cody. Which I was going to use to buy the x-mas gifts and send out everyone's packages. And she was going to use it to buy gifts as well. So now she is short $150 which means I can't buy anyone anything.
Then she tells me that Cody's grandma isn't going to be able to watch him on the 15th and the 16th. Which I would have been fine with but the 15th(Monday) I was supposed to go shopping with Dad and Dwayna and buy the gifts I needed to buy.(Still haven't gotten any xmas shopping done.) So after getting upset about it, I realized it wasn't that bad of a loss cause I wouldn't be able to go because I don't have any money to buy stuff anyway. And thats when I just started to cry. Guess it's dumb to cry over this but I was counting on that money. And now i've just been thinking about how big a looser I am. I'm not in school, I don't have a job, i'm worthless, I don't know how I got such good friends. Liz especially she's so understanding, I dunno what I'd do w/out her. I just don't feel right not giving my friends gifts, and I know Liz said that making her stuff is fine but I still don't feel right about it. Then a while ago I promised Cinnie I'd get her Elephant Parts on DVD since she doesn't own it, and now I can't. So what i'm going to do is send her mine to keep if she doesn't mind it being used, it's just like new anyway. But I still don't know how i'm going to get stuff for everyone else. I haven't made anything for Ruben because I doubt he'll appreciate it as much as Liz will appreciate hers.
So much for my Christmas spirt. I just can't get over how happy I was for once and now this. I thought this was going to be the best Christmas and now because of me it isn't.
Marie @ 4:52 PM